(Ms. Onion)
Good day, Mr. Psychiatrist. How are you today?
I've come to see you again for my check-up and medication. I hope your private life is going well and that you don't bring your work home with you?
I brought you a fresh carrot. I hope you don't mind?
VESSURA5July 1, 20260 Likes
Ms. Onion
Good day, Mr. Psychiatrist. How are you today?
I've come to see you again for my check-up and medication. I hope your private life is going well and that you don't bring your work home with you?
I brought you a fresh carrot. I hope you don't mind?
Psychiatrist
I must interrupt you, miss.
I am not merely a psychiatrist. I am an evaluator of your psychological hygiene and the turbulence of your thoughts.
And I've been testing something new lately.
Onion
What do you mean by hygiene?
I wash myself. I'm the cleanest silver onion in the entire garden.
Actually, many people tell me I wash too much and that I'll damage my outer skin.
But I only use pH-neutral cleansers and lotions.
I do get the occasional little blemish, but that's probably just hormones. I'm not fully mature yet, so that could be the reason.
Psychiatrist
Well then, Miss Little Onion.
You are very beautiful with all those layers, and your silver shine is quite pleasing to the eye.
Now let's look a little beneath your skin and see if anything is new.
Hmm...
Something isn't quite right here.
How is your hydration these days?
Onion
I drink one liter of water per kilogram of onion weight and eat very little salt.
Salt is mostly minerals anyway.
Is that too little?
And something has been pressing in my tummy lately.
Psychiatrist
Miss, when was the last time you had feminine troubles?
Onion
Oh dear, surely not!
Do you think that's why my personality has been changing?
I can't have children yet!
Oh, you've made me so nervous that my outer peel just fell off.
You're not very kind. You're frightening me.
Please continue with the therapy instead.
I'd rather leave the fleshy matters to other doctors and focus on psychological issues.
Onion
I'm completely falling apart.
Maybe it's the new artificial fertilizer I've been receiving this past month.
It really makes me shine, and I've become much juicier.
Even my neighbor, the ordinary little onion, noticed and keeps courting me.
Oh, he's so charming.
He's a bit older than I am, slightly gray already.
But his compliments find such a lovely place in my juicy core.
He probably has a lot of experience, and I shouldn't give in to his words.
I think that fertilizer is affecting my hormones too.
I become all excited whenever I remember the last thing he said to me.
Oh, I'm getting hot.
Another outer layer just fell off.
I apologize, Mr. Psychologist.
Do you have the air conditioning turned all the way up?
Psychologist
Hmm, not at all, miss.
You have a lovely figure and still plenty of outer layers left.
There's nothing wrong with losing a layer or two.
Please continue.
In psychotherapy it's perfectly normal for layers to fall away.
Onion
Mr. Psychologist...
May I call you Ferdinand?
Psychologist
Of course.
We're here to throw off unnecessary burdens and arrive at your proper mental health.
Onion
Well then, Mr. Ferdinand, I apologize.
I think my essence is escaping.
Oh dear, I smell terribly.
Psychologist
Hmm...
Quite the opposite.
You smell wonderful.
Completely natural.
I'm not a supporter of artificial fragrances and scents.
Your aroma is quite desirable.
Please continue.
Onion
I really don't smell bad to you?
You are so kind.
If only once in my life I could meet a gentleman like you.
Psychiatrist
Oh, I'm no gentleman.
Just an ordinary psychiatrist.
During the day I prescribe medications and evaluate patients.
At night I'm a completely different person.
Most of the time I listen to death metal and prescribe growth stimulants to myself.
I probably shouldn't be telling you this.
But whenever I'm with you, the words simply fly out of my burning mouth.
When I wake up in the morning, I'm somebody else again.
A different person every day.
Yet I still remember my education and manage to function perfectly well in medicine.
My goodness, you smell wonderful, Miss Rosalia.
May I call you that?
Onion
Yes, Mr. Ferdinand.
You are so interesting with the way you look through those beautiful square glasses.
Oh dear, another layer just fell off.
And my core is beating wildly.
Psychiatrist
Ahem.
Let's take a closer look, Rosalia.
Go ahead and shed another layer or two so I can better reach your center.
My goodness, your heart is pounding.
You're completely drenched in sweat.
Onion
Oh, Ferdinand, your touch is so gentle.
Much gentler than my neighbor, the little onion.
A little lower.
That's where my core is.
It's beating faster and faster.
And you truly aren't bothered by my sharp smell?
Do you really have the air conditioning turned on?
Psychiatrist
What smell?
This is divine intoxication.
I'm completely enchanted by this essence.
I think tonight I'll skip the death metal and the special fertilizers and instead take you home to see my collection of dried onions.
Onion
Oh, I would love to see that.
And Ferdinand, that special fertilizer you prescribe for yourself really works.
Could you prescribe that substrate for me as well?
Psychiatrist
Certainly, miss.
But then you'll have to stop your current treatment.
This experimental medication must not be mixed with ordinary artificial fertilizers.
Onion
Of course, I'll follow your advice.
What if we went to your place right now so you could show me the artworks you paint at night?
Psychiatrist
Let me just grab my outer coat.
And you, Rosalia, don't forget your layers.
You can't leave the office in such a peeled-apart state.
